I'm Marmalade

Plus a weekend playlist + recipe for orange-salted mandel bread

This morning in therapy, my therapist said, “You’re marmalade.” I stared at her blankly. “Like a caterpillar”, she added.

Apparently, during metamorphosis, caterpillars dissolve into a kind of biological jam inside the chrysalis. Total breakdown. From that goop, imaginal cells emerge– cells that contain the blueprint of the butterfly-to-be. But at first, the caterpillar’s cells treat them like invaders and try to destroy them. The old way resists the new.

But the imaginal cells persist. They multiply, organize, and slowly rebuild the mess into something else entirely. The butterfly only forms because it pushes through that resistance.

I’m in the goop. Systems breaking down. Old patterns clinging for dear life. But the imaginal cells (the flickers of what’s next) are here.

Lately, I’ve been getting signals that the old way isn’t working. I keep applying, networking, interviewing, getting nowhere. But the part of me that knows better keeps whispering: try something else. Something new is trying to take shape.

Hate to leave you hanging there, but that’s all I’ve got for now.

Don’t worry, I still have a recipe. This week: orange-salted mandel bread. Not marmalade… Felt a little too on the nose.

Enjoy. And happy Fourth. I’ll be attempting Alison Roman’s key lime pie as usual. Benny’s thrilled.

More soon,
xo

Orange-Salted Mandel Bread

Adapted from a recipe by Ariella Perel Berliner (z”l), my sister-in-law’s sister, who passed in August 2022.

Ingredients

• 1 cup granulated sugar

• 1 cup olive oil (a mild variety works best)

• 2 tablespoons orange zest (from about 2 large oranges)

• 1 tablespoon freshly squeezed orange juice

• 4 large eggs

• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

• 3 cups all-purpose flour

• 1 teaspoon baking powder

• 2 teaspoons kosher salt

Instructions

1. Preheat the oven to 350°F (175°C). Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

2. Mix the wet ingredients: In a large bowl, whisk together the sugar, olive oil, orange zest, orange juice, eggs, and vanilla until smooth and fully emulsified.

3. Add the dry ingredients: In a separate bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, and salt. Gradually add the dry mixture to the wet, stirring just until a soft, slightly sticky dough forms.

4. Shape the loaves: Divide the dough into two equal portions. With lightly oiled hands, shape each into a log about 10 inches long and 2–3 inches wide. Place both logs on the prepared baking sheet, leaving space between them to allow for spreading.

5. First bake: Bake for 30–35 minutes, until the tops are golden and slightly cracked, and a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.

6. Slice: Remove from the oven and let cool for 10 minutes. Using a sharp knife, slice each log on the diagonal into 1-inch-thick slices. Turn the slices on their sides, cut-side up, and return them to the baking sheet.

7. Second bake: Bake for an additional 8–10 minutes, until the edges are just beginning to crisp. Let cool completely on a wire rack. Top with crunchy salt.